By Robin Bates
Hello Charter parents and staff! September was a great month of entering the classrooms and getting to know all of these amazing communities your students are creating! I am so in awe.
As the school year continues, we will zoom in to different aspects of identity. This month, we will focus on our individual narratives. Humans have always told stories, whether they are ages-long, or individual lifetime stories, or even individual “micro-stories” during the day—to help us make sense of our experiences and the world around us. Our stories are perfect little windows to peer into our mental health and the way we shape identity.
Recently I was driving with my own kids when my almost-11-year-old chimed in, “hey, Mom, do you remember that time you MADE me take that soccer class every week for 6 WHOLE WEEKS? I was the worst player in the class and because of this the other kids gave me a vibe and they never passed me the ball.” I gently swallowed my pride and tried to manage that “Mom guilt” so many of us struggle with. I decided to offer him a different story. “Well, then, think about how much courage it takes for a kid to continue trying in spite of difficult circumstances. You kept showing up, kept trying your hardest and stayed focused on soccer even though you were in a tough spot. Think about how much courage, perseverance and focus that took!” He was quiet (which is unusual for this kiddo). I knew he had felt a shift. Later he admitted that he hadn’t seen the story that way and it made him feel different - better - about himself.
This is the power of learning to shift our perspective. Sometimes it can be as simple and switching out a few words from painful to positive. For example, a story of fear can also be a story of courage. A story about a difficult test experience can turn into a story of perseverance or gratitude about other talents. As we all listen to our children talk about their day or their struggles, while we are validating how our kids are feeling, we can listen for opportunities to “spin” words and watch how they can shift an entire perspective. And when we shift perspective, it impacts our identity. We can shift things like “fearful to brave” from “incompetent to determined” or from “lonely to self-reliant”. These are seeds for core beliefs about our identity that we carry with us throughout our lives.
It’s difficult to talk about narratives without mentioning social media - a world where we have so much control over our narratives but can so often sweep us up in other peoples’. I’m hoping to have some meaningful discussion on this topic. There is a great scene in the most recent Jumanji movie involving a teen preparing for her “good-morning-I-just-woke-up-like-this” picture and all of the time she spent to stage it (color selections, makeup, hair, etc). Isn’t it amazing the lengths we go to control the narrative we present to our media audience? I’m looking forward to hearing our adolescents talk about this!
Here are some resources online for exploring topics about safe media use for kids:
https://www.safesearchkids.com (this is google’s kid safety website)
https://www.kidshealth.org (has several articles about internet safety for children of all ages)