Hello families and happy holidays to all of you! I am just now remembering that the theme for this month last year was self-care! This is a season of many emotions and experiences - many that seem opposed to each other (but when we feel all of them we realized that they actually fit together nicely). Often we get so wound up caring for others and tending to our highest expectations, that self-care takes a backseat to all of the other things on our priority list.
And, even if self-care is on the top of the list, how many of you try to do your self-care “perfectly”?! I hear many people express disappointment in themselves for “not meditating long enough or often enough” or “not exercising as much as I’m supposed to” or feeling like coming up short in our diets or friendships or family. In other words, we get caught up in the results, rather than the process of getting there. The process involves looking at “how” we are approaching things, rather than the “what” we are aiming to achieve.
When you feel you’re not (fill in the blank) enough, remember to step back and recognize how hard you’re working or how far you’ve come to the point where you are. Remember to recognize all of the positive decisions you’ve made to bring the things you are grateful for today. When we focus on the “behavior” not the “results or things”, there’s a freedom and forgiveness that can happen in our psyches.
Here are some recent videos I’ve made to talk to some of your students to help raise awareness of their own process and the choices they can make for viewing their worlds:
“Wise Mind” - this is about the process of finding balance between our emotions and our logical thinking. This “middle way” is where we find wisdom and awareness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EE1Wx1MIvHs&feature=youtu.be
“Dialectical Thinking” - In this video I talk about the practice of allowing two opposing thoughts or feelings to be true at the same time. This practice guides us out of “black and white thinking”, expands awareness and opens opportunities to gain new perspectives.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUIndKSRRlA&feature=youtu.be
I wish you all a peaceful, safe and healthy holiday season!
Robin Bates, LMFT