From our Mental Health Counselor: Let’s Practice Good Emotional Hygiene
What a whirlwind of a past few weeks! Over the weekend, I went and saw the highschool’s performance of Chicago and was awestruck! I was reminded of how important these communities of sports and arts are for these kids and what they can create together. My 6th-grade son was informed this week that his wrestling season will be prematurely ended and I think even he was surprised at the difficult feelings he experienced because of this. He was just getting “in the groove” and feeling the incredible experience of having a team for the first time. As children are being told of the dangers of the Coronavirus, and experiencing the sudden changes in their very important communities and schedules because of this, I think it’s best to return to the basics of emotional self-care.
In DBT, one of the main focuses is on tools for healthy emotional “distress tolerance”. When we feel like so much information and change around us is out of our control, we can find ourselves experiencing uncomfortable and chaotic thoughts and feelings. This is a good time to take a deep breath and focus on our emotional hygiene and soothing/caring for ourselves right in the moment. Here right now - is the only time that is actually real! And this is what mindfulness helps us open up to.
One set of activities to practice yourselves and with your children is called “IMPROVE the Moment”
- Imagery
Imagine a very relaxing scene. Imagine a calming, safe place. Imagine things going well/imagine coping well. Imagine painful emotions draining out of you like water out of a pipe. Our imaginations are one of our most powerful tools for emotional self-care, as the brain responds to imagery in the mind the same as it would if you were experiencing it directly from the outside world.
- Meaning.
Find or create some purpose, meaning, or value in the emotional discomfort. Examples - “This is making me stronger” or “I am learning so that I may help others when they are upset” or “I am learning the very important lesson to slow down and take care of myself”.
- Ponder.
Open your heart to a greater wisdom, or your own wise mind for guidance and support. Ask for strength to bear what you’re feeling in this moment.
- Relaxation.
Try muscle-relaxing by tensing and relaxing each large muscle group, starting with the top of your head and then working down. Download a relaxation audio or video; stretch; take a gentle walk. “Insight Timer” is a wonderful app for this.
- One thing at a time.
Focus your entire attention on what you are doing right now. Keep your mind in the present moment. Be aware of body movements or sensations while you’re walking, cleaning, eating.
- Vacation.
Give yourself a brief vacation. Get outside. Take a short walk. Unplug from all digital devices and let your mind and body take a “staycation” away from stressful news and social media.
- Encouragement.
Cheerlead yourself! Repeat over and over: “I can stand this, “It won’t last forever”, “I will make it through this”, and “I am doing the best I can”. It’s amazing how powerful this one practice can be in calming your thoughts and emotions.
Activity for “IMPROVE the moment”: discuss or write about ideas for practicing at least two specific IMPROVE skills during the week when you feel the need. Practice them alone or together as a family, and remember that good emotional hygiene is important for you and all those around you!
Even though we are practicing “social distancing”, we are all still very much connected.
Robin Bates, LMFT