FROM OUR COUNSELOR: “Oh, the places our thoughts will go!”
Hello Families,
This month we will continue to dive into the second portion of the “Me” in “Me, You and the World” and talk about identifying our thoughts. Thoughts are incredibly powerful. A single thought can change the chemistry and neural pathways in the brain. Allowing a thought to run several times in the brain can strengthen neural pathways that can be useful or destructive to our mental health. Our thoughts frame our experience of reality, sometimes narrowing our view of healthy choices and altering our senses. I often tell my children to be very very careful with their thoughts, emphasizing their powerful capability.
Emotional problem solving is a big task as an adolescent! This month I’ll talk to high school students about “dialectical thinking” - which is based on the idea that there is no ONE absolute truth and many different ways to look at any situation. Learning to get out of “black and white thinking” can help people open themselves to more options and ultimately to solution-based thinking and self-soothing for difficult emotions.
Thinking concepts/tools to consider discussing with your children at home: (adapted from the book, DBT Skills in Schools, by James J Mazzaw, Elizabeth T Dexter-Mazza, Alec L. Miller, Jill H. Rathus and Heather E. Murphy)
- Move to ‘both-and’ thinking and away from ‘either-or’ thinking- The first step toward this goal is to become aware of extreme ways of thinking. Another helpful way to do this is to notice when you use the word BUT: “I appreciated your help yesterday, BUT what you were saying didn’t make sense to me.” The person is likely to only hear, “what you were saying didn’t make sense to me.” The person may quickly become defensive and not register at all that you were appreciative of. The word BUT can sometimes function as a giant eraser to anything that came before it! The more effective word to use can be AND: “I really appreciated your help yesterday, AND what you were saying didn’t make sense to me.”
- Practice looking at all sides of a situation and all points of view- What does it mean to find a “kernel of truth”, even if it is small on the other side of an argument?
- Remember: No one has the absolute truth. Be open to alternatives
We’re off to a great start!
Robin Bates, LMFT